Personal Development

Feelings and thoughts can create and bridge the gap between what we expect and what really happens, and how fast or slow we adapt to this gap.

We can choose to wallow in misery and depression because this gap is big and life is unfair, and/or we believe there is nothing we can do to bridge this gap because we have failed in everything we tried so far. Or, we can choose to see how this gap was created, what our role in this creation was and how we can change something to bridge the gap so we stop being depressed, or anxious.

To give a practical example, about 15 years ago I moved back to Greece after living abroad for 12 years. Before I moved, I made sure I found a job that met “my standards and my qualifications”.  I had signed a contract for a high executive level job at the beginning of the year and the starting date was June 1st as my son was then in elementary school and I did not want to move in the middle of the year.  However, when I went to work the first day, I was told that the management of the company was new since the previous owner decided to sell the business.  I was assured that nothing would change in terms of my contract, duties, benefits and responsibilities.

For 2 years I was dreading to go to work.  The environment was toxic because there was a “war” between some of the old people who had stayed and the new people brought in by the new management, and I was in the middle with nobody really liking me.  The old people did not like me because I came in taking a higher position than most of them who were there for years before me, and the new people did not like me because they did not like the person who had hired me. LOL!

The gap between my expectations and reality was colossal.

I knew that moving back to Greece after having been away for 12 years would not be a ride in the park, but I was expecting that at least having a good job where I would be happy would provide some stability and balance out the challenges my son and I had to face while adjusting to a completely new life. Therefore, my expectations and reality had a big gap that had made me extremely anxious.

The change in management was out of my control, but the way I thought and felt about it was critical for my survival.  I could either wallow in self-pity feeling helpless and a victim, or I could accept reality and surf the wave.  I could also look for another job, but at the time I had other priorities, such as focusing on my son’s adjustment to a new environment and finding a home to live since we were temporarily living with my mother.  I stayed in that job for 2 very long years, lol, but I used this time to get settled in my new home and spend time with my son.  I also decided at that point that I had enough with watering other people’s gardens and putting all my energy into making other people rich, so I shifted the focus to having my own business.

I am grateful for this big gap between my expectations and reality at the time, as by bridging it I was able to do things for myself that I had never thought before.